Author Topic: Jokes  (Read 11110 times)

Offline Sule

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Re: Jokes
« Reply #72 on: May 15, 2009, 09:20: AM »
An Irish guy walks into a bar........




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Offline TheIrishFreestyler

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Re: Jokes
« Reply #73 on: May 15, 2009, 09:55: AM »
HAHA luv it, I didnt expect that but I opened myself up for that!

Heres one:

2 Irish men sitting in a plane.

Murphy says to Paddy: "Im gonna flip this plane now Paddy, hold on"
Paddy says: "No dont, we'll fall out"
Murphy replies: "No we wont, we'll still be friends"

Offline JonKonik

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Re: Jokes
« Reply #74 on: May 15, 2009, 11:59: AM »
what do you call cheese that's not yours... nacho cheese hahahahaha  :biggrin:

Offline BigMac

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Re: Jokes
« Reply #75 on: May 15, 2009, 12:24: PM »
haha the irish ones :biggrin:

Offline TAHA95

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Re: Jokes
« Reply #76 on: Jun 13, 2009, 11:51: PM »
A guy sits at a bar in a skyscraper restaurant high above the city. He slams a shot of tequila, goes over to the window and jumps out.

The guy sitting next to him can't believe what he just saw. He's more surprised when, 10 minutes later, the same guy walks back into the bar and sits down next to him.

The astonished onlooker asks, "How did you do that? I just saw you jump out the window, and we're hundreds of feet above the ground!"

The jumper responds by slurring, "Well, I don't get it either. I slam a shot of tequila, and when I jump out the window, the tequila makes me slow down right before I hit the ground. Watch." He takes a shot, goes to the window and jumps out.

The other guy runs to the window and watches as the guy falls to just above the sidewalk, slows down and lands softly on his feet. A few minutes later, the jumper walks back into the bar.

The other guy has to try it, too, so he orders a shot of tequila. He slams it and jumps out the window. As he reaches the bottom, he doesn't slow down at all. SPLAT!

The first guy orders another shot of tequila. The bartender shakes his head. "You're really an a**hole when you're drunk, Superman."

Offline G-Kid

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Re: Jokes
« Reply #77 on: Jun 14, 2009, 01:19: AM »
Alan shearer has been given the award of the 2nd worst caretaker in history.
First place was given to Ian huntley.

Offline TW89

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Re: Jokes
« Reply #78 on: Jun 17, 2009, 02:43: AM »
On hearing her elderly grandad had died, Katie went to her 98 year old grans house. When she asked how he died, graan replied, 'He had a heart attack during sunday morning sex'. Katie was aghast at her 2 granparents risking their livess making love. 'oh no' said gran, 'we do it to the church bells. Nice and slow. In on the ding and out on the dong', she paused to wipe away a tear, 'he'd still be alive if the ice cream van hadn't come along'.



I just bought a racehorse!!!! I have decided to name him "MY FACE".. I dont care if it doesn't win a race, or make any money.. I just want to here thousands of the posh tarts at Ascot shouting "Cum On My Face"



Its just after break time in a playschool and the teacher asks the kids what they got up to during the break...

Teacher : "So Sam what did you get up to?"

Kid : "I played in the sand pit miss!"

Teacher: "Lovely, I'll tell you what if you can spell 'sand' on the board you can have a chocolate hobnob..."

The kid goes up to the board and spells out the word perfectly and gets his hobnob.

Teacher: "How about you Katie? What did you get up to?"

Katie: "I played in the sand pit with sam"

Teacher: "Thats nice Katie, if you can write 'play' on the board you can have a biscuit too..."

Katie spells the word perfectly on the board and earns herself a chocolate hobnob.

Teacher: "Abdul, what did you get up to? Did you play in the sand pit too?"

Abdul: "No miss, they said I wan't allowed because I was 'different'..."

Teacher: "Sam, Katie thats blatant racial discrimination!!"........
"I'll tell you what Abdul, if you can write 'blatant racial discrimination' on the board you can have a chocolate hobnob too..."



Two Muslims have crashed a lorry full of explosives into a reservoir wall.
Police think it may be the start of Ram-a-Dam




"It's even easier to keep your head down and stay asleep,
and while your laying there counting see your face in them sheep"

Offline L_I_S

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Re: Jokes
« Reply #79 on: Jun 17, 2009, 03:13: AM »
Quote
I just bought a racehorse!!!! I have decided to name him "MY FACE".. I dont care if it doesn't win a race, or make any money.. I just want to here thousands of the posh tarts at Ascot shouting "Cum On My Face"
ahahaha, good 1.
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