Author Topic: Jokes  (Read 11198 times)

Offline serbianfreestyle

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Jokes
« on: Mar 23, 2009, 01:08: PM »
im not sure if there is another thread but......... post ur jokes or what not here....

If your uncle jack helped you off an elephant, would you help your uncle jack off an elephant?

Offline Royal Freakiness

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Re: Jokes
« Reply #1 on: Mar 23, 2009, 01:12: PM »
how about a magic trick? I'll make this pencil disappear.
BOOM!!! *slams gangsta's eye on the pencil*
It's.... gone....

(I just rofled when that part came on)

Offline L_I_S

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Re: Jokes
« Reply #2 on: Mar 23, 2009, 05:32: PM »
If your uncle jack helped you off an elephant, would you help your uncle jack, off an elephant? lol, i read it like that at first.

that was an awesome seen RF ;)
http://www.youtube.com/user/LISdafreestyler
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Offline chevestiano

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Re: Jokes
« Reply #3 on: Mar 30, 2009, 03:19: PM »
why the skeleton didn't go to the party?..................
because he had no-body to go with
Panna King of Leon

Offline 2zef^^

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Re: Jokes
« Reply #4 on: Mar 30, 2009, 11:13: PM »
why the skeleton didn't go to the party?..................
because he had no-body to go with
:stupid:

Offline SeBaS

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Re: Jokes
« Reply #5 on: Mar 31, 2009, 01:21: AM »
 :stupid:
why the skeleton didn't go to the party?..................
because he had no-body to go with
lol good one

Offline TF

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Re: Jokes
« Reply #6 on: Mar 31, 2009, 03:46: AM »
whats the difference between maddy mccann and football
footballs coming home



Offline TW89

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Re: Jokes
« Reply #7 on: Mar 31, 2009, 04:16: AM »
whats the difference between maddy mccann and football
footballs coming home
:o  :lol:


Ethnic minorities in Britain have been complaining that they're not represented enough on TV.

...The BBC have decided to put Crimewatch on more regularly!




"It's even easier to keep your head down and stay asleep,
and while your laying there counting see your face in them sheep"

Offline TF

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Re: Jokes
« Reply #8 on: Mar 31, 2009, 05:26: AM »
whats the difference between maddy mccann and football
footballs coming home
:o  :lol:


Ethnic minorities in Britain have been complaining that they're not represented enough on TV.

...The BBC have decided to put Crimewatch on more regularly!
haha i thought that was funny

Offline Andy

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Re: Jokes
« Reply #9 on: Mar 31, 2009, 08:12: AM »
kinda long but I thought this was funny, copied from a website :)

HOW TO SHOWER LIKE A WOMAN
Take off clothing and place in sectioned laundry hamper according to lights and darks. Walk to bathroom wearing long dressing gown. If you see husband along the way, cover exposed flesh and rush to the bathroom. Look at your womanly physique in mirror and stick out gut so you can complain and whine even more about getting fat. Get in shower. Look for facecloth, armcloth, legcloth, long loofah, wide loofah and pumice stone. Wash hair once with Cucumber and Lamfrey shampoo with 83 added vitamins. Wash hair again with Cucumber and Lamfrey shampoo with 83 added vitamins. Condition hair with Cucumber and Lamfrey conditioner enhanced with natural crocus oil. Leave on hair for fifteen minutes. Wash face with crushed apricot facial scrub for ten minutes until red raw. Wash entire rest of body with Ginger Nut and Jaffa Cake body wash. Rinse conditioner off hair (this takes at least fifteen minutes as you must make sure it has all come off). Shave armpits and legs. Consider shaving bikini area but decide to get it waxed instead. Scream loudly when husband flushes toilet and you lose the water pressure. Turn off shower. Squeegee all wet surfaces in shower. Spray mold spots with Tilex. Get out of shower. Dry with towel the size of a small African Country. Wrap hair in super absorbent second towel. Check entire body for remotest sign of a zit. Attack with nails/tweezers if found. Return to bedroom wearing long dressing gown and towel on head. If you see husband along the way, cover up exposed areas, then rush to bedroom to spend an hour and a half getting dressed.

HOW TO SHOWER LIKE A MAN
Take off clothes while sitting on edge of bed and leave them in a pile. Walk naked to the bathroom. If you see your wife along the way, shake wiener at her and make "woo"sound. Look at manly physique in mirror and suck in gut to see if you have pecs (no). Admire size of wiener in the mirror, scratch "privates" and smell fingers for one last whiff. Get in the shower. Don't bother to look for washcloth (you don't use one). Wash face, then armpits. Crack up at how loud fart sounds in the shower. Wash privates and surrounding area. Wash butt, leaving hair on the soap bar. Shampoo hair (do not use conditioner). Make a shampoo Mohawk. Pull back shower curtain and look at yourself in the mirror. Pee (in the shower). Rinse off and get out of the shower. Fail to notice water on floor because you left curtain hanging out of tub the whole time. Partially dry off. Look at self in the mirror, flex muscles. Admire wiener size again. Leave shower curtain open, wet bath mat on floor. Leave bathroom fan and light on. Return to bedroom with towel around waist. If you pass your wife, pull off the towel, grab your wiener, go "Yeah baby" and thrust your pelvis at her. Throw wet towel on the bed. Take 2 minutes to get dressed.


Offline Chunkchenko

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Re: Jokes
« Reply #10 on: Mar 31, 2009, 09:40: AM »
kinda long but I thought this was funny, copied from a website :)

HOW TO SHOWER LIKE A WOMAN
Take off clothing and place in sectioned laundry hamper according to lights and darks. Walk to bathroom wearing long dressing gown. If you see husband along the way, cover exposed flesh and rush to the bathroom. Look at your womanly physique in mirror and stick out gut so you can complain and whine even more about getting fat. Get in shower. Look for facecloth, armcloth, legcloth, long loofah, wide loofah and pumice stone. Wash hair once with Cucumber and Lamfrey shampoo with 83 added vitamins. Wash hair again with Cucumber and Lamfrey shampoo with 83 added vitamins. Condition hair with Cucumber and Lamfrey conditioner enhanced with natural crocus oil. Leave on hair for fifteen minutes. Wash face with crushed apricot facial scrub for ten minutes until red raw. Wash entire rest of body with Ginger Nut and Jaffa Cake body wash. Rinse conditioner off hair (this takes at least fifteen minutes as you must make sure it has all come off). Shave armpits and legs. Consider shaving bikini area but decide to get it waxed instead. Scream loudly when husband flushes toilet and you lose the water pressure. Turn off shower. Squeegee all wet surfaces in shower. Spray mold spots with Tilex. Get out of shower. Dry with towel the size of a small African Country. Wrap hair in super absorbent second towel. Check entire body for remotest sign of a zit. Attack with nails/tweezers if found. Return to bedroom wearing long dressing gown and towel on head. If you see husband along the way, cover up exposed areas, then rush to bedroom to spend an hour and a half getting dressed.

HOW TO SHOWER LIKE A MAN
Take off clothes while sitting on edge of bed and leave them in a pile. Walk naked to the bathroom. If you see your wife along the way, shake wiener at her and make "woo"sound. Look at manly physique in mirror and suck in gut to see if you have pecs (no). Admire size of wiener in the mirror, scratch "privates" and smell fingers for one last whiff. Get in the shower. Don't bother to look for washcloth (you don't use one). Wash face, then armpits. Crack up at how loud fart sounds in the shower. Wash privates and surrounding area. Wash butt, leaving hair on the soap bar. Shampoo hair (do not use conditioner). Make a shampoo Mohawk. Pull back shower curtain and look at yourself in the mirror. Pee (in the shower). Rinse off and get out of the shower. Fail to notice water on floor because you left curtain hanging out of tub the whole time. Partially dry off. Look at self in the mirror, flex muscles. Admire wiener size again. Leave shower curtain open, wet bath mat on floor. Leave bathroom fan and light on. Return to bedroom with towel around waist. If you pass your wife, pull off the towel, grab your wiener, go "Yeah baby" and thrust your pelvis at her. Throw wet towel on the bed. Take 2 minutes to get dressed.

or if you don like reading you can watch the video version

feature=related

Offline TAHA95

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Re: Jokes
« Reply #11 on: Apr 18, 2009, 10:55: PM »
Rich man and a poor man have the same wedding anniversary. They're both at Madison Avenue shopping for their wives. Poor man says to the Rich man, "What'd you get your wife this year?" He says, "A Mercedes and a huge diamond ring." The poor man says, "Why'd you get her both?" The Rich man says, "If she doesn't like the ring, she can take it back in the Mercedes and be happy." The Poor man says, "O.K. That works." The Rich man says, "Well what did you get your wife?" The Poor man says, "A pair of slippers and a dildo." The Rich man says, "Why'd you get her a pair of slippers and a dildo?" The Poor man says, "If she doesn't like the slippers, she can go fuck herself."