I ludda get down (Freestyle) *open to criticism*

[SeBaS]

yes i rep old soccer grip, yes i rap for beyond football/
you left your identity, its trapped behind the woodstall/
learn to.....crawl before you walk....learn to walk... before you fall/
before you stall, like skateboarding , or is it just hate hoarding/
imma martian like lil wayne, if u like birds you probably would name yourself lil crane/
if u believe in cardiovascular longevity, most likely you would be lil vein/
or is it, that you love yourself also, in that case switch it to lil vain/
is it big vein (vain) , yes i am big mayne, writin raps that mentally deplete your brain/
maybe,you can call me crazy, but your chances of beating me are slim like shady/
throwin up peace signs with my grill like i was drivin a mercedes/
the Bow is a buster, totalfootball's attempt to be profound is lackluster/
and chunkchenko is a punk rock, hes just a straight customer/
when i give it to my girl, i dont mind hittin it from the back/
as long as the brown stuff dont come out the crack/
like tammy shears, leave u rugged like sandy spears/
make you cry at the beach those are sandy tears/
like when melbourne's mistress gave me a handjob like a manicure/

thats some kind of freestyle

 

?If religion is opiate to the masses,
then opium equally is metaphor:
the divider and merger of the classes --
opium-induced peace, zeal, and war,
family strife and broken glasses;
snorted anthropomorphic remnants of sense,
high and incapacitated on the floor,
pass the druglord mantle on to the state
and endow it with a deified opulence.

thats poetry. TF10 did you wrote that?if yes thats good but the rhymescheme is confusing and i didnt really get what you wanted to say

[Chunkchenko]

post a picture of your self, i want to see if your black or white

hes white

THIZZZZZZZZ

BAY AREA 510

[TheGodEmperor]

?If religion is opiate to the masses,
then opium equally is metaphor:
the divider and merger of the classes --
opium-induced peace, zeal, and war,
family strife and broken glasses;
snorted anthropomorphic remnants of sense,
high and incapacitated on the floor,
pass the druglord mantle on to the state
and endow it with a deified opulence.

thats poetry. TF10 did you wrote that?if yes thats good but the rhymescheme is confusing and i didnt really get what you wanted to say

I said I changed the rhyme scheme from abab to abcac...it was sorta makeshift, and I wasn't consistent with the metre...the first line is in dactylic hexameter whereas many other lines are in iambic pentameter or tetrameter. And Sebas, Karl Marx said "Religion is opiate to the masses" hence I was ntaking a shot at marx and his system....which justifies the metamorphosis of godhead/religion to state (communism = state is almost like religion). And yes I wrote it.

[TJ Hooker]

it was still whack fool, that poem or whatever is tryin too hard, nah its hella whack, you cant school me on the rhymes
stick to readin books and ill stick to what i do best which is bending freekicks upper V, making sick slappin beats, rhymin hella tight over those beats, and bendin moms and hot broads over backwards and stickin it to them, stick it to u girl uhhhh uhhhh yeahhh

[Tito]

it was still whack fool, that poem or whatever is tryin too hard, nah its hella whack, you cant school me on the rhymes
stick to readin books and ill stick to what i do best which is bending freekicks upper V, making sick slappin beats, rhymin hella tight over those beats, and bendin moms and hot broads over backwards and stickin it to them, stick it to u girl uhhhh uhhhh yeahhh

what a wannabe
your a fake TJ and will never make it anywhere

[TheGodEmperor]

it was still whack fool, that poem or whatever is tryin too hard, nah its hella whack, you cant school me on the rhymes
stick to readin books and ill stick to what i do best which is bending freekicks upper V, making sick slappin beats, rhymin hella tight over those beats, and bendin moms and hot broads over backwards and stickin it to them, stick it to u girl uhhhh uhhhh yeahhh

what a wannabe
your a fake TJ and will never make it anywhere

precisely what I'm trying to tell him.

[TJ Hooker]

shut your dork face totaldouchebag you decroted piece of dog shit

[TheGodEmperor]

shut your dork face totaldouchebag you decroted piece of dog shit

oh how eloquent

hes so gangsta that he makes me shit my pants  :lol:

[Tito]

shut your dork face totaldouchebag you decroted piece of dog shit

sad kid

[cigar omar]

Fucc outta here Hook.

[Ax3l]

dam dude better get back to ur GAY AREA or bay w.e u wanna call it i dont think this the right place for YOU
to be "rapping", Yadadmean worst shit ive herd since soulja boy....

[TJ Hooker]

when ya got haters, u know ya doin it right
HA HAAAAAAAAAA yeah!! :cheers: