Author Topic: Jokes(if u make me laf ill give u karma)  (Read 3682 times)

Offline G-Man

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Jokes(if u make me laf ill give u karma)
« on: Jul 08, 2008, 12:01: AM »
Im quite sad rite now so some 1 tell me some good jokes so i wont be  :down: and ill be  :lol:
« Last Edit: Jul 08, 2008, 04:23: AM by georgefs »

Offline Acquaviva

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Re: Jokes
« Reply #1 on: Jul 08, 2008, 12:08: AM »
a guy walks in to a bar, and says to the bar tender "quick quick, serve me a drink before the fight starts" 2 minutes later, "quick quick serve me another drink before the fight starts" 4 minutes later, "quick quick, give me another drink before the fight starts" at this point, the bar tender stops and asks him, "sir, what fight are you talking about" and the man replies "the fight thats going to start here when you find out that i dont have any money to pay for the drinks"
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Offline Sander

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Re: Jokes
« Reply #2 on: Jul 08, 2008, 01:45: AM »
classic one: two guys are walking on a street, then one of them asks: can i walk in the middle  :lol:

i know a better one but that's quite long and i'll post that one later
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Offline Andy

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Re: Jokes
« Reply #3 on: Jul 08, 2008, 02:41: AM »
George W. Bush, Vladimir Putin, and Bill Gates were called in by God. God informed them that he was very unhappy about what was going on in this world. Since things were so bad, he told the three that he was destroying the Earth in three days.
 
   They were all allowed to return to their homes and businesses, and tell their friends and colleagues what was happening. God did tell them though, that no matter what they did he was "not"changing his mind. So, . .
 
   George W. went in and told his staff, "I have good news and bad news for you. First the good news . . . there is a God. The bad news is that he is destroying the Earth in 3 days."
 
   Putin went back and told his staff, "I have bad news and more bad news. The first was . . . there is a God. The second was that he is destroying the Earth in 3 days."

   Bill Gates went back and told his staff, "I have good news and good news. First . . . God thinks I am one of the three most important people in the world. Second . . . you don't have to fix the bugs in Windows Vista."


Offline Andy

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Re: Jokes
« Reply #4 on: Jul 08, 2008, 02:47: AM »
Another good one...



A distinguished young woman on a flight from  Ireland to Canada asked the Priest beside her, "Father, may I ask a favor?"
 
"Of course my child.  What may I do for  you?"
   
"Well, I bought an expensive woman's electronic hair dryer for my mother's birthday that is unopened and well over the Customs limits, and I'm afraid they'll confiscate it.  Is there any  way you could carry it through Customs for me? Under your robes  perhaps?"
   
The priest answered: "I would love to help  you, dear, but I must warn you: I will not lie."
   
"With your honest face, Father, no one will  question you"
   
When they got to Customs, she let the priest go  ahead of her.  The official asked, "Father, do you have anything to  declare?"
   
"From the top of my head down to my waist, I have  nothing to declare."
   
The official thought this answer strange, so  asked, "And what do you have to declare from your waist to the floor?"
   
"I have a marvelous instrument designed to  be used on a woman, but which is, to date, unused."
   
Roaring with laughter, the official said, "Go  ahead, Father."
   
"Next!"


Offline G-Man

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Re: Jokes
« Reply #5 on: Jul 08, 2008, 04:22: AM »
Another good one...



A distinguished young woman on a flight from  Ireland to Canada asked the Priest beside her, "Father, may I ask a favor?"
 
"Of course my child.  What may I do for  you?"
   
"Well, I bought an expensive woman's electronic hair dryer for my mother's birthday that is unopened and well over the Customs limits, and I'm afraid they'll confiscate it.  Is there any  way you could carry it through Customs for me? Under your robes  perhaps?"
   
The priest answered: "I would love to help  you, dear, but I must warn you: I will not lie."
   
"With your honest face, Father, no one will  question you"
   
When they got to Customs, she let the priest go  ahead of her.  The official asked, "Father, do you have anything to  declare?"
   
"From the top of my head down to my waist, I have  nothing to declare."
   
The official thought this answer strange, so  asked, "And what do you have to declare from your waist to the floor?"
   
"I have a marvelous instrument designed to  be used on a woman, but which is, to date, unused."
   
Roaring with laughter, the official said, "Go  ahead, Father."
   
"Next!"

ha ha thats a good 1 karma

Offline G-Man

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Re: Jokes(if u make me laf ill give u karma)
« Reply #6 on: Jul 08, 2008, 04:24: AM »
How do u know wen a blonde has just used a computer?

theres tipex on the screen  :lol:

Offline cigar omar

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Re: Jokes(if u make me laf ill give u karma)
« Reply #7 on: Jul 08, 2008, 04:38: AM »
A bear walks into a bar.



























































































OUCH!!!!!!!

Offline Sule

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Re: Jokes(if u make me laf ill give u karma)
« Reply #8 on: Jul 08, 2008, 06:14: AM »
A man goes into a library and asks for a book on suicide
The librarian says F*ck off You won't bring it back
 :lol: :lol:

Mortal: What is a million years like to you?
God: Like one second.
Mortal: What is a million dollars like to you?
God: Like one penny.
Mortal: Can I have a penny?
God: Just a second.
 :lol: :lol:

Ill post some more later
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Offline G-Man

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Re: Jokes(if u make me laf ill give u karma)
« Reply #9 on: Jul 08, 2008, 06:25: AM »
A man goes into a library and asks for a book on suicide
The librarian says F*ck off You won't bring it back
 :lol: :lol:

Mortal: What is a million years like to you?
God: Like one second.
Mortal: What is a million dollars like to you?
God: Like one penny.
Mortal: Can I have a penny?
God: Just a second.
 :lol: :lol:

Ill post some more later

haha very good  :lol: :bowdown: plus 1

Offline Andy

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Re: Jokes(if u make me laf ill give u karma)
« Reply #10 on: Jul 08, 2008, 08:02: AM »
3 men where at the FBI Building for a job interview.

The first man walked into the office . The interviewing FBI agent said "To be in the FBI you must be loyal, dedicated, and give us your all. Your wife is in the next room. I want you to go in there and shoot her with this gun." The man took the gun, hesitated, and said "Sorry, I can't do it."

The next interviewee came into the office. The Agent said "To be in the FBI you must be loyal, dedicated, and give us your all. Your wife is in the next room.I want you to go in there and shoot her with this gun." The man took the gun, walked into the room, then walked out. "Sorry," he said.

The last man came into the office. The inverviewer said "To be in the FBI you must be loyal, dedicated, and give us your all. Your wife is in the next room. I want you to go in there and shoot her with this gun." The man took the gun and went into the room. The Agent heard 6 shots, silence, then a lot of screaming.

The man came out of the room and said "Someone loaded the gun with blanks, so I beat her to death with the curtain railing!"


Offline Sander

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Re: Jokes(if u make me laf ill give u karma)
« Reply #11 on: Jul 08, 2008, 08:19: AM »
georgefs, george bush, c.ronaldo, the pope and a 10 year old girl are in a plane. the plane is going to crash but for those 5 persons, there are only 4 parashutes.

first george bush: 'I'm the president of the united states. if i die a lot of chaos will be caused throughout the world and especially usa.' the others agreed and gb got the first parashute and jumped

then c.ronaldo: 'I'm a very important player of portugal and man u. if i die man u will lose millions of money and many people will be sad because i'm famous and they like me.' the others agreed and c.ronaldo also got a parashute and left the plane

then georgefs: 'everybody thinks i'm stupid and worthless. i'll show them else.' and away was georgefs

then only the pope and the 10 year old girl were left. the pope said: 'girl, i have had a long and good life. i've got few years left and you still have a whole life in front of you. please take the last parashute and jump.' then the girl replied: 'it's okay pope, there are 2 parashutes left because georgefs took my schoolbag
August and me are the new moderators of the freestyle section. We are not gods, so please let us know if there is a problem or you see something suspicious. (In English ;))

ALL FREESTYLE BEGINNERS THAT ARE LOOKING FOR TUTORIALS GO HERE: http://www.beyondfootball.com/galleryFile-Beginner-Tricks-Tutorial-5,1,347.html

New misheard lyrics video by me!!