Fashion 101

[stas]

I wrote this going into my sophomore year, but looking back on it now it still has some relevance. In my opinion it's a humorous view at the kids fashion in U.S. high schools, 4 years ago.

As a new school year approaches some of you might be wondering what clothes, shoes, and accessories to buy. While I struggled through hours of shopping trying to pick out that perfect pair of boxers to wear the first day of school I realized
that no one is gonna see my boxers the first day of school anyways so it doesn’t matter. While my problems are small some of you might have bigger ones. That’s why I have decided to create this column to teach you fresh fish about how things
go in high school.

For Guys:

A pair of shoes ( in my case, 2 pairs of shoes):

Some of you may have gone to Champs, A&N, Dick’s, Footlocker, and Finishline to find those dope sneakers that you’ve been looking for. While you look at the sneakers in the store you think, “I wonder what everyone will think of me when
I come into school.” Well the truth is no one will give a shit, there will probably be at least 2 other kids with the same shoes as you, this year i decided to skip that shit and just bought my self New Balance 574′s from Champs, the bonus in
this deal was that you get 2 pairs for $90 dollars, I couldn’t resist and snagged myself a pair. If you have never seen 574′s I pitty you, people have been wearing these since 8th grade year. This year I decided to skip the crap and just buy
classic shoes that everyone already has so I can act like surprised when 20 other people show up with the same things. If you bought a basketball, running, jogging, walking, cross-training shoe I feel sad for you, they rip you off with their
$100 dollar price tags for a pair, 1 PAIR!!! I used my shoes everyday last year and they lasted me the whole year, and they were only $55 bucks, so I have no idea why people buy those expensive pieces of shit, your parents probably buy
you a new pair for spring too, you spoiled piece of shit.

Clothes:

While some people I know decide to spend a lot of money on clothes, new jeans,socks,boxers,shirts, and sweatshirts I decided I’d be cheap and just buy 2 pairs of jeans to add to the other 5 pairs of pants I already have. I also bought a shirt
for 9.99 on sale, my total came to $85 dollars and im extremely happy that I didnt get jacked. Again some of you might be buying 5 new pairs of jeans to add to the pile you already have your closet and 10 new shirts you “totally couldn’t live
without” (and a partridge in a pear tree you’ve always wanted). If you haven’t realized in your 8 or 9 years of school that you probably throw half these clothes in your closet and never wear them you’re a complete dumbass. I know I have enough
spare clothes to clothe the whole country of New Zealand (awesome place to live by the way).

Now it matters on your style to what clothes and stuff you buy and here I will explain in greater detail:

Jocks:
Usually wearing tight muscle shirts to show off their undeveloped bi-ceps, hey asshole I don’t care if you can bench 250, tight shirts are for europeans to wear, like Wes and I did the last day of school.
Usually wear jeans or some sort of sport shorts to show everyone that they do in fact play a sport.

Preps:
Usually wear over priced collared shirts that their parents paid for, shirts accompanied with little logos like Hilfiger, Abercrombie, and Ralph Lauren.
Usually wear jeans in the cold weather and switch to the easily identified prep khaki shorts around spring time.

Gangsters:
Usually wear 3 layers of shirts all year long, the bottom layer probably has holes in it from when they got shot like “Fiddy Cent”, or thats just a lie and their little sister “Latoya” tried to work on her fashion skills.
Usually wear sweatpants year long no matter how hot it is, on occasion may be seen in baggy shorts that look like capris, fucking pansies.
In all seasons they can also be seen wearing a doo-rag which serves no purpose because most of them have little hair.
NOTE: All store tags and company tags still remain on the shirts,pants, and shoes. They must wear the clothes and take them straight back, and I was wondering how black people had so many pairs of shoes.
I was also informed that they have been spotted wearing a baseball hat with the brim not bent folks, gosh darnit they think of crazy things.

Gays:
Usually wear tight clothes, the easiest to spot of the 5 main areas, can be seen surrounded by girls giggling and just frolicking along in their gay world

Dorks:
Have been seen playing on Geometer’s Sketchpad on their iBooks, pocket protectors out, Geometer’s Sketchpad in.
The style of the dorks has been the same for the past 10 years, if you have not seen a dork yet i will explain to you what they look like:
Usually accompanied by some sort of glasses which are extremely out of style.
Have squeky voices or sound like they have really bad sinus problems.
Key giveaway is surrounded by ugly girls w/ pigtails talking about their last game of Starcraft or Warhammer 3000.

Tight suspenders, tight pants, plaid shirts, little bowties and the graphing calculator clutched closely to their heart.

For Girls (thanks to Alecia and AP):

Shoes:
You might’ve walked into “Journeys” in the mall and picked out a pair of reefs, chucks, roos ( im liking that kangaroo logo), rainbows, vans, pumas, or etnies. As you walk into school the first day nervous about coming to 9th grade you also worry
that no bitch has the same shoes as you. If this happens there might just be a wrestling match filled with pudding and nakedness ( please inform me of when this is happening). But seriously you were looking for originality when you walked into
“Journeys” and bought those pink Pumas that probably every other girl would want as well ( and will probably have, seriously, let me know when the wrestling is).

Clothes:
I’m told that Hollister, Abercrombie, American Eagle, and Pacsun are good places to buy stuff, oh, and Victoria’s Secret ( which I am not legally allowed to enter now). American Eagle has jeans and skirts, Hollister has tanktops, long and short sleeve
and Pacsun has sweatshirts for $40. I don’t know how all you girls afford it. (But I think I might’ve seen you in that alley last week so I have a clue on what goes down). Now let’s break these down into categories.

Sluts:
Have been noted to getting clothes from their 10 year old sisters closet, also spotted at Abercrombie, Hollister, and American Eagle (CAWW CAWW) for mini skirts and cleavage showing tops (I refer to these as cleavshowers).

Preps:
Also spotted at Abercrombie, Hollister, and American Eagle (held back the cawwing this time) but for classier clothes, clothes that make guys turn around when they walk by in that sweet innocent sort of way and come up to you
and say, “Hi, Big Boy, my name is Naomi (sexy lips included) that’s “I Moan” backwards).”

Gothic:
Found at clown stores buying black,red, and white makeup, also located in Hot Topic checking out the latest ” I Scare My Parents” shirt. While these fakers try to scare you with their all black clothes dont give in, I think they’re just colorblind.
Their real name is probably something nice and proper like “William Smithers the II” and not ” Pedestool the Devil’s Child Wallace”.

Girl Jocks:
Usually wearing basketball shorts or some other sports shorts with the rolled up waist. Some of these girls are seen wearing clothes saying “Cant Touch This, Delicious, Too Hot for You, and Bootylicious” on the buttocks like that 5 year old I saw,
and people are wondering why girls are gaving sex at such a young age.

Girl who doesn’t care what anyone thinks and wears pajamas to school:
This girl has the look like she just woke up and came to school with her pajamas on, these girls strangely get offended when people stare at them. “Hey bitch! If you don’t want me staring at your neon green pants with “I have Issues” written
down the leg don’t wear the fucking pants, don’t get mad at me when I suggest a “T” should be added before the word “Issues”.

I want you all to remember, no matter how sweet you think your shit is someone will have it soon enough, so invite me to the pudding wrestling so I can film. High school is just a thousand kids all alike wearing the same brands and styles aseveryone else in the group they belong to.

Read more @ http://gyrahf.wordpress.com/

[Adi]

I'm sure most people saw this and didn't bother to read it cuz it's long.

It's worth a read though... funny but true in many ways from a high schooler's point of view.