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Freestyle Chat / Re: Player or Freestyler?
« on: Dec 02, 2008, 07:53: AM »
A player who does a bit of freestyle
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General Chat / Re: Joke/s thread
« on: Dec 02, 2008, 07:44: AM »
May as well add a few of my own...
Two chavs drive off a cliff in a Corsa, what's the tragedy?
A Corsa seats four.
_________________
A bus full of chavs drives of a cliff, who wins?
Society.
_________________
What do you call a bus full of chavs at the bottom of the ocean?
A good start.
_________________
What do you call a chav in a car?
Thief.
________________
What do you call five chavs in a car?
Organized crime.
_________________
What do you call a chav in a suit?
Will the defendant please stand.
_______________
How many emos does it take to change a light bulb?
None, they just sit in the dark and cut themselves.
_______________
What's the difference between a Northern fairy tale and a Southern fairy tale?
A Northern fairy tale begins, "Once upon a time..."
A Southern fairytale begins, "Y'all ain't gonna believe this *beep*..."
__________________
How long does it take a chav to take out the trash?
Nine months.
______________
How does a chavette turn on the light after sex?
She opens the car door.
______________
A pirate walks into a bar and has a steering wheel hanging out of his pants and the bartender asks "Dude whats with the steering wheel?" and the Pirate says "Arrr it's driving me nuts."
________________
A new priest at his first mass was so nervous he could hardly speak.
After mass he asked the monsignor how he had done.
The monsignor replied, "When I am worried about getting nervous at the pulpit, I put a glass of vodka next to the water glass. If I start to get nervous, I take a sip."
So next Sunday he took the monsignor's advice.
At the beginning of the sermon, he got nervous and took a drink.
He proceeded to talk up a storm.
Upon his return to his office after the mass, he found the following note on the door:
1) Sip the vodka, don't gulp.
2) There are 10 commandments, not 12.
3) There are 12 disciples, not 10.
4) Jesus was consecrated, not constipated.
5) Jacob wagered his donkey, he did not bet his ass.
6) We do not refer to Jesus Christ as the late J.C.
7) The Father, Son, and Holy Ghost are not referred to as Daddy, Junior and the spook.
8) David slew Goliath, he did not kick the sh*t out of him.
9) When David was hit by a rock and was knocked off his donkey, don't say he was stoned off his ass.
10) We do not refer to the cross as the "Big T."
11) When Jesus broke the bread at the last supper he said, "take this and eat it for it is my body." He did not say " Eat me".
12) The Virgin Mary is not called " Mary with the Cherry".
13) The recommended grace before a meal is not: Rub-A-Dub-Dub thanks for the grub, Yeah God.
14) Next Sunday there will be a taffy pulling contest at St. Peter's not a peter pulling contest at St. Taffy's.
_________________
The British are feeling the pinch in relation to recent terrorist threats and have raised their security level from 'Miffed' to 'Peeved.' Soon, though, security levels may be raised yet again to 'Irritated' or even 'A Bit Cross.' Londoners have not been 'A Bit Cross' since the Blitz in 1940 when tea supplies all but ran out. Terrorists have been re-categorized from 'Tiresome' to a 'Bloody Nuisance.' The last time the British issued a 'Bloody Nuisance' warning level was during the great fire of 1666.
Also, the French government announced yesterday that it has raised its terror alert level from 'Run' to 'Hide.' The only two higher levels in France are 'Surrender' and 'Collaborate.' The rise was precipitated by a recent fire that destroyed France's white flag factory, effectively paralysing the country's military capability.
It's not only the English and French that are on a heightened level of alert. Italy has increased the alert level from 'Shout Loudly and Excitedly' to 'Elaborate Military Posturing.' Two more levels remain: 'Ineffective Combat Operations' and 'Change Sides.'
The Germans also increased their alert state from 'Disdainful Arrogance' to 'Dress in Uniform and Sing Marching Songs.' They also have two higher levels: 'Invade a Neighbour' and 'Lose.'
Belgians, on the other hand, are all on holiday as usual, and the only threat they are worried about is NATO pulling out of Brussels.
The Spanish are all excited to see their new submarines ready to deploy. These beautifully designed subs have glass bottoms so the new Spanish navy can get a really good look at the old Spanish navy.
________________
Two nuns are driving down a road late at night when a vampire jumps onto the bonnet.
The nun who is driving says to the other, "Quick! Show him your cross."
So the other nun leans out of the window and shouts, "Get off our f*cking car."
__________________
Two chavs drive off a cliff in a Corsa, what's the tragedy?
A Corsa seats four.
_________________
A bus full of chavs drives of a cliff, who wins?
Society.
_________________
What do you call a bus full of chavs at the bottom of the ocean?
A good start.
_________________
What do you call a chav in a car?
Thief.
________________
What do you call five chavs in a car?
Organized crime.
_________________
What do you call a chav in a suit?
Will the defendant please stand.
_______________
How many emos does it take to change a light bulb?
None, they just sit in the dark and cut themselves.
_______________
What's the difference between a Northern fairy tale and a Southern fairy tale?
A Northern fairy tale begins, "Once upon a time..."
A Southern fairytale begins, "Y'all ain't gonna believe this *beep*..."
__________________
How long does it take a chav to take out the trash?
Nine months.
______________
How does a chavette turn on the light after sex?
She opens the car door.
______________
A pirate walks into a bar and has a steering wheel hanging out of his pants and the bartender asks "Dude whats with the steering wheel?" and the Pirate says "Arrr it's driving me nuts."
________________
A new priest at his first mass was so nervous he could hardly speak.
After mass he asked the monsignor how he had done.
The monsignor replied, "When I am worried about getting nervous at the pulpit, I put a glass of vodka next to the water glass. If I start to get nervous, I take a sip."
So next Sunday he took the monsignor's advice.
At the beginning of the sermon, he got nervous and took a drink.
He proceeded to talk up a storm.
Upon his return to his office after the mass, he found the following note on the door:
1) Sip the vodka, don't gulp.
2) There are 10 commandments, not 12.
3) There are 12 disciples, not 10.
4) Jesus was consecrated, not constipated.
5) Jacob wagered his donkey, he did not bet his ass.
6) We do not refer to Jesus Christ as the late J.C.
7) The Father, Son, and Holy Ghost are not referred to as Daddy, Junior and the spook.
8) David slew Goliath, he did not kick the sh*t out of him.
9) When David was hit by a rock and was knocked off his donkey, don't say he was stoned off his ass.
10) We do not refer to the cross as the "Big T."
11) When Jesus broke the bread at the last supper he said, "take this and eat it for it is my body." He did not say " Eat me".
12) The Virgin Mary is not called " Mary with the Cherry".
13) The recommended grace before a meal is not: Rub-A-Dub-Dub thanks for the grub, Yeah God.
14) Next Sunday there will be a taffy pulling contest at St. Peter's not a peter pulling contest at St. Taffy's.
_________________
The British are feeling the pinch in relation to recent terrorist threats and have raised their security level from 'Miffed' to 'Peeved.' Soon, though, security levels may be raised yet again to 'Irritated' or even 'A Bit Cross.' Londoners have not been 'A Bit Cross' since the Blitz in 1940 when tea supplies all but ran out. Terrorists have been re-categorized from 'Tiresome' to a 'Bloody Nuisance.' The last time the British issued a 'Bloody Nuisance' warning level was during the great fire of 1666.
Also, the French government announced yesterday that it has raised its terror alert level from 'Run' to 'Hide.' The only two higher levels in France are 'Surrender' and 'Collaborate.' The rise was precipitated by a recent fire that destroyed France's white flag factory, effectively paralysing the country's military capability.
It's not only the English and French that are on a heightened level of alert. Italy has increased the alert level from 'Shout Loudly and Excitedly' to 'Elaborate Military Posturing.' Two more levels remain: 'Ineffective Combat Operations' and 'Change Sides.'
The Germans also increased their alert state from 'Disdainful Arrogance' to 'Dress in Uniform and Sing Marching Songs.' They also have two higher levels: 'Invade a Neighbour' and 'Lose.'
Belgians, on the other hand, are all on holiday as usual, and the only threat they are worried about is NATO pulling out of Brussels.
The Spanish are all excited to see their new submarines ready to deploy. These beautifully designed subs have glass bottoms so the new Spanish navy can get a really good look at the old Spanish navy.
________________
Two nuns are driving down a road late at night when a vampire jumps onto the bonnet.
The nun who is driving says to the other, "Quick! Show him your cross."
So the other nun leans out of the window and shouts, "Get off our f*cking car."
__________________
3
Soccer Forum / Re: What is your juggling record?
« on: Nov 03, 2008, 08:28: AM »
I got 291 over the past summer, but I haven't really tried to just juggle since then...
4
Freestyle Videos / Re: Pedro - Freestyle Brasil League round I
« on: Aug 11, 2008, 04:59: AM »
Love the sitdown style, great vid.
5
Help and Advice / Re: Beyond Football Freestyle STORE & Freestyle GEAR
« on: May 16, 2008, 12:20: PM »
Great job man, I'm loving that jacket.
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Help and Advice / Re: The Gear - Best Place to Shop?
« on: May 03, 2008, 07:14: AM »
You can always order online, Euro Sport (Soccer.com) has a ton of stuff. The only thing is, it may not fit, and you can't try boots on.
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Soccer Forum / Re: Predators? Total 90's? Looking for good outdoor boot
« on: Feb 26, 2008, 07:58: AM »All those shoes you mentioned are good. With wide feet, Nike might be better for you. The Pure's are nice but they are a bit narrow. I suggest you head to the store and try them on. They are quite lights, comfortable, and give you a nice touch. I believe they are also only priced at $125.Okay, that's what I was planning on doing, just wanted an opinion from someone else.
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Soccer Forum / Predators? Total 90's? Looking for good outdoor boot
« on: Feb 24, 2008, 10:25: AM »
It's that time again, I need to get new cleats! I just don't know which ones to get, I love my First Touch II's, and I didn't really like my Profi's, so I'm leaning towards Nike. But, Predators are legendary, and the new Pure's are looking good too. Nike makes so many different shoes, I'm having a hard time deciding on which.
I want a light shoe, with good control, yet still has plenty of power and accuracy behind it; all of this for around $170.
I also have wide feet, if that helps any. And here's my local soccer store's website: (They pretty much have to be on there, because I need to try on the shoe before I buy it)
soccercorner.com
While we're at it... what's some good, cheap freestyle shoes? As I said earlier, I already have FT II's, and love 'em, but I like switching things up.
I want a light shoe, with good control, yet still has plenty of power and accuracy behind it; all of this for around $170.
I also have wide feet, if that helps any. And here's my local soccer store's website: (They pretty much have to be on there, because I need to try on the shoe before I buy it)
soccercorner.com
While we're at it... what's some good, cheap freestyle shoes? As I said earlier, I already have FT II's, and love 'em, but I like switching things up.
9
Help and Advice / Re: Beyond Football Freestyle Tricktionary
« on: Dec 23, 2007, 04:37: AM »
I think Skala ATW looks the coolest, however I'd imagine that a PATW would be harder.
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